A Pack-Rat Comes Clean

Well, the weekend’s off to a good start . . . spring cleaning is well under way; meaning I’ve begun my yearly ritual of going through all of the junk we’ve acquired and have finally decided to do the following with any or most of out MANY unused items: sell it, give it away, or trash it. This takes forever. I honestly don’t know how we fit this much stuff into 900 or so square feet (yup, we really do live in a shoe-box!) I think we could make a good living as the clowns who pile into the little car at the circus, but I digress.
I used to make fun of Jason for being so anal about throwing things away all the time. If he had his way, we’d be minimalists. He likes to see clean space with not a lot of clutter. Jonah really ruins this fantasy of his, but marrying me is what began the crumbling of his tidy dream. ;) I am a pack-rat – thanks mom and dad. My mom keeps everything, and then gives it to me. I remember in college when she gave me her country blue duck dishes. (Remember those? I think every mom in suburbia had them!) Okay – I remember using them when I was 10, and I thought they were scary then. Mom, l love ya, but the duck dishes got sold in a yard sale. Sorry! Still, I had some serious pack-rat issues when Jason and I got married. He wanted to throw all my stuff away! I would get so angry, but over the past five years I admit I have adopted his cleanly ways. It just takes me awhile to sort through it all.
So Jonah is getting a new (new to us anyway) bookcase. So I had to go through his room and try to make room for this much-needed piece of furniture. It was painful! I just love all of his little things; I hate to get rid of any of it. So I got one Publix grocery bag full, but it does look better. Jason mentioned tonight that Jonah was growing so fast. It’s true. He’s almost got all of his molars now, and I’ve already forgotten how he looked before he had teeth. I hate to sound like my parents, but he’s growing too fast. My friends with older kids keep warning me, “Before you know it he’ll be going off to kindergarten,” So I’m trying to take their advice and just enjoy every stage. They’re all so precious. He’s this neat little baby-person now. Still a baby, but rapidly becoming a little boy, a little man. It’s rough because I desperately want him to stay small and cuddly, but I look forward to the unique boy and someday the man that he’ll become.
When some women talk about the sacrifices of motherhood, I don’t think they’re talking so much about the hurting back, stained clothes, or having less money – I think they’re talking about the sacrifice of the heart you make when this little person roars into your life, testing your strength, your love, your marriage, your faith . . . your whole world get flipped upside down and turned out, and at the same time, you’re so in love you don’t know what to do. You love so much you can’t even think about the pain that loss might bring, which is why that relationship with God is so crucial. I can’t imagine trying to wade through the waters of motherhood without being hidden in God. Sometimes great freedom comes with great pain. I have to give Jonah over to God’s care completely in order to be free from the terrible weight of anxiety and worry that comes from caring for him. I’m sure God designed it that way.
Wow, talk about chasing rabbits . . . talk about God speaking in mysterious ways. I just praise God that I am free to be who He made me to be by submitting my everything to Him, which isn’t much, to tell you the truth. Even so, God can do something with me, I look forward to it.