Home again, home again . . .

from left to right : Tosha, Kat, and Crystal

As of last night at 11:05 pm, we are home from our trip to Oklahoma! Hallelujah! I love it and all, but the weird weather and raging grass fires caused me to miss middle-Tennessee with its chilly mornings and TREES something awful.

Speaking of trees, what is it about them that I love so much? As we flew into Oklahoma Christmas day I said, "look Jonah, land of no trees." I am not knockin' Oklahoma ya'll, but I am so used to being surrounded by trees that it looked like a barren wasteland to me. The fires didn't help to diminish that image either. Oh well. As you can already tell, this will be another completely random post as I try to put off unpacking two huge suitcases looming in the front room.

Jonah ran to Jason as we came into the airport; it made my heart jump a little, and made me realize that I should've come home sooner. That child loves his daddy, and I like him alright too! ha ha. It's funny though, how Jonah just fell right back into his old routine. He had been having considerable trouble sleeping at my parents' the last few nights. It wasn't his bed, there was no music playing softly, and Daddy was not around - it just wasn't right. So I was dealing with a significantly cranky child right before we came home. But as of last night, he did not wake up once, got up at his normal time, and is taking his scheduled nap - just like we never left! Have I ever mentioned that I think my child inherited Jason's anal gene?

So since the title of this post is about being home, I realized the last few days of my trip, that Tennessee is my home now. My Dad and I took a drive out in the country on Monday afternoon and we talked about when that change occurs when the place you used to live blurs from home to a place you visit occasionally. It is weird though, that my Mom still talks to me about the going-ons of the people of Ryan, OK, and I had to tell her several times that I had no idea who she was even talking about . . . she shrugged and told me anyway (go figure, my hilarious mom!) Still, it made me sad that things had changed in the countryside of Ryan and Waurika, where I spent my last years at home. I guess I had hoped that my grandmother's brick house with the wood floors would always seem big and mysterious instead of kind of small and dusty. I wanted my great-grandmother's house to still be cute and warm - now some family lives in it, and quite frankly, has trashed it up pretty good. I just wanted something to stay the same, but it all changed, and then again, so have I.

I think I wrote that I was going to a wedding on New Year's in OK, to be the matron of honor to Jessica - Jonah's godmother. I am so glad I was able to go. It was great to see the Johnston family (hey Susan!) It was fun to just be myself without Jonah attatched to my hip, although I missed him fiercely while I was there. As much as I liked being "just me" for a few days, I found that I was a little unsure of what to do with that. Mamas, you will probably really understand what I am about to say, and others, especially single gals, will go gee, you mother-types are strange.
The truth, in my opinion, is that becoming a mother changes who you are completely. I am sure this is not true of everyone, but humor me here for a moment. In a matter of 4 years I go from, just Crystal (Morris) - single, happy, perpetual eternal college student, etc . . . then I'm Crystal (Zaragoza) wife to Jason, happy, working, and still an eternal college student, then I am moving to TN which finally forced me to become a college graduate, then in 2004 I am (whoops-a-daisy!) pregnant Crystal, working, nauseous-all-the-time, and finally I am Crystal-the-mommy with baby on the hip, and of course-working (but working WITH baby on the hip!) happy most of the time, tired a lot of the time, confused often, and just trying to survive parenthood thus far. Are you tired just from reading that?! I am. I am not whining, just observing that my gosh that is a lot of changing going on in such a small time period. SO - I said all that to get to my point . . . Eventually, which is that it is very easy as a mom to use your child or children as a sort of shield, or as something to hide behind. I mean, if you aren't sure of who you are anymore, isn't it easier to say, "Oh look at Junior! Look how he says poo-poo, isn't that darling?" instead of having to carry on a civilized conversation when you know good and well that you have only watched Wiggles on TV since forever, your current events include teething and what new food little Suzy tried as of late.

Here's why this blog is good for me - it's helping me to get back to writing again, which I have neglected for a very long time. Don't be misled by the lack of style and creativity in these posts, I used to be pretty good! I still want to be pretty good. I am learning that it's okay (and possible) to be Jonah's mom and also just Crystal at the same time. It's a work in progress I guess.

Did I mention that I got to wear a gorgeous evening gown and actually looked sexy and Jason wasn't even there!!!!!!!!!!! Arrghhhhh!